You are NOT that special.
The only reason you “made it” was because I was with you.
Why are people interested in YOU? I make more money than you and I own my business.
People don’t really care about you and what you do.
How would you respond if someone said any of these things about YOU?
How would you move on?
Here are steps to help you rise after a discouraging experience.
Take time to reflect. Get introspective and ask yourself if there really was a tangible reason that someone would respond to you in such a way. Was it a knee-jerk reaction to something you did or said? Take time to evaluate the circumstances and environment. Often, people’s discouraging words are a reflection of the fear and doubt in their own minds. When people can’t do something themselves, they are going to tell you that YOU can’t do it either! Reflect… If it is simply noise, discard it. If it offers you a chance to improve, take action.
Confide in a few people to help you through your thoughts and feelings. It is not always about surrounding yourself with people who blindly lift you up. Your “inner circle” should be friends and/or colleagues who nourish you spiritually, emotionally, financially, socially, etc. They are your trusted network and can offer you clear and unbiased guidance and discernment. Seek their feedback. I was once told that I ONLY surround myself with people who lift me up and don’t “challenge” me. After a professional “difference of opinion”, a former colleague took aim at me and my network and implied that it consisted of people who would never tell me “no”. What this person did not know is that I worked hard to surround myself with those who DO challenge me; professionally, intellectually, and personally, and we can have healthy discussions WITHOUT fighting.
Stand up for yourself. Don’t let people bully you physically, verbally, or emotionally. Often, bullies operate to hide their own incompetence. They view their “victims” as direct threats and may bully them in an attempt to prevent their own inadequacies from being revealed. The best way to deal with bullying is a healthy dose of assertiveness! Speaking and acting in an authoritative tone shows your nay-sayers that you are comfortable and confident in your job skills, business plan, or professional qualifications. You may even feel confident enough to talk to the aggressor to try to see things from their point of view, but they may not fully realize they hurt you - or in some cases - may not care. In certain circumstances, confronting a bully may give you a sense of closure, whether or not you receive an apology or come to a resolution. It is gracious to present an opportunity for reconciliation, however, if the pattern continues, it is time to move on. You cannot allow yourself to be a doormat! You are responsible for doing your best, not the final outcome.
Walk away and don’t look back. Unfortunately, some people conceal their attacking behaviors from others, even going so far as to only criticize behind closed doors and display a much different personality than they portray in other audiences. Being alone with these behind-the-scenes bullies is not a healthy scenario. Not only are you subject to discouraging, negative talk, but it is puzzling because the behavior that you are witness to is NEVER portrayed in front of others. Your associates may have NO CLUE how the bully actually treats and thinks of people. In this situation, it is important to continue to move ahead and do not engage with them at all. Be confident in YOU and what you have to offer. You control your reaction and in some cases, it can cripple you. It is disappointing, but you have the right to remove yourself from a situation that is not serving you.
Talk openly about your experience. You will be surprised, but many others have faced some of the same issues. Your experiences can allow for growth, but only if you own them. Commit to be better. Promise to be honest, compassionate, and own your experiences. Turn them into positive truths and empowering intentions. The more you are able to accept that you are not able to change the way people are, the better you are to move ahead without them. Rise! Keep your head up. Be the change you want to see.
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All Rights Reserved.
Dr. Natalie Phillips is the founder and CEO of Connect4Excellence, a company dedicated to connect individuals and their businesses to their own mission and culture, to connect to others at events, to connect their own unique voice with a bigger audience, and to connect to give back. She is passionate about building deep relationships and authentic connections to help make a difference in the world together. She is committed to assisting both men and women to become more of who they are and to live out their brand. She believes in creating environments in which people can connect on different levels to help their businesses succeed.
Dr. Phillips is an Audiologist with Advanced Otolaryngology and Audiology in Fort Collins, Colorado. In addition to diagnosing and treating hearing loss, tinnitus, and balance disorders of the ear, she volunteers her time as a Global Hearing Ambassador to travel overseas with the Starkey Hearing Foundation, most recently to India, Peru, Guyana, and Mexico to deliver the gift of hearing and connect them to life by fitting hearing aids on people who are unable to afford the technology.
She is a founding sister of Women Unite, a group of women whose mission is to inspire, ignite, and assist other women achieve their potential in today’s professional setting. Dr. Phillips is a Global Ambassador Emeritus and served on the Legacy Project Steering Committee, as well as currently serves as Colorado Chapter Leader for Empowering A Billion Women by 2020, an initiative to provide the tools, technology, and resources to empower women as leaders and successful entrepreneurs.